#rewired my brain for the worst

[hcklbrryfg]

the psycho-spiritual tension between me fighting to justify buying a new stylus (which has forced a comic i was really excited about into a hiatus, putting me into a creative slump/depression) and the only inbox messages i get being random gaza fundraisers

[zorosdimples]

“came back wrong” but you just wake up from a too-long nap as a completely different person

[artigas]

there’s something deeply dark-sided about the fact that, having finished a fantasy novel this afternoon and a chapter of a fic that updated this evening, I found myself fresh out of fun stuff to read and thought: hm, maybe I should go on jstor and see if I find an interesting article. I wonder what people have to say about tennyson. like, what the fuck? Who thinks that? yuck!

[rosesradio]

i think my university fucking bit me wtf

[starlit-mansion]

my haterism is getting the the point where i just start blocking the op of every reblog i don't like rather than blacklisting stuff. the long game.

[arolesbianism]

Every day I mourn the fact that none of my family and friends give a single shit abt oni lore, I don't wanna keep repeating shit I've already said before on here but every now and then I just remember the horrors™ and nearly explode not being able to scream abt it again

[onceuponastarryeye]

books read in twenty-twenty-four

hour zero - agatha christie (5/5)

if you could see the sun - ann liang (4/5)

his last bow - arthur conan doyle (4/5)

labor and monopoly capital: the degradation of work in the twentieth century - harry braverman (4/5)

the count of monte cristo (adapted text) - alexandre dumas (3.5/5)

before we say goodbye (btcgc #4) - toshikazu kawaguchi (5/5)

contagion - robin cook (2.5/5)

beach read - emily henry (4.5/5) (rr)

death by drowning and other stories - agatha christie (5/5)

little fires everywhere - celeste ng (4.75/5)

mrs. dalloway - virginia woolf (3.5/5) (rr)

five little pigs - agatha christie (4/5)

cinema e memória - milene de cássia silveira gusmão; paulo henrique alcântara; euclides santos mendes (3.5/5)

rouge - mona awad (3.75/5)

first love - ivan turguêniev (4/5)

the moving finger - agatha christie (3.5/5)

the memory police - yoko ogawa (5/5)

entre flechas e sapatos de cristal: fadas madrinhas s.a - kézia garcia (4.5/5)

the hunger games (thg #1) - suzanne collins (5/5) (rr)

the next girl - karla kovach (3/5)

the invisible man - h. g. wells (3.5/5)

death comes at the end - agatha christie (4/5)

welcome to the hyunam-dong bookstore - hwang bo-reum (4/5)

teias mortais - bel rodrigues, felipe castilho, jim anotsu, luisa geisler, samir machado de machado (5/5)

catching fire (thg #2) - suzanne collins (5/5) (rr)

introdução à filosofia de bergson - paulo césar rodrigues (4/5)

the very secret society of irregular witches - sangu mandanna (4.5/5)

the hollow - agatha christie (3.5/5)

hold tight - harlan coben (2.75/5)

the atlas complex (tas #3) - olivie blake (3/5)

todas as minhas libelulas (memórias dos pardes #1) - gabrielli casseta (5/5)

uma aprendizagem ou o livro dos prazeres - clarice lispector (5/5)

mockingjay (thg #3) - suzanne collins (5/5) (rr)

seis doses de culpa - luther alt (4/5)

the labours of hercules - agatha christie (4/5)

emily wilde's encyclopedia of faeries (eweof #1) - heather fawcett (4/5)

a man lay dead - ngaio marsh (4/5)

manual de cortej para princesas desencantadas - alien, maina, lyra, gabi, raquel & dulci (5/5)

taken at the flood - agatha christie (4/5)

capitalismo de plataformas - nick srnicek (4/5)

the reapperance of rachel price - holly jackson (4/5)

funny story - emily henry (4.25/5)

normal people - sally rooney (5/5) (rr)

18 brumário - karl marx (3.25/5)

extraordinary stories - edgar allan poe (4.25/5)

roteiro perfeito - vi carvalho (4/5)

they came to baghdad - agatha christie (4/5)

the familiar - leigh bardugo (4/5)

cidades pequenas não guardam seguredos - kézia garcia (5/5)

método científico: uma abordagem ontológica - ivo tonet (3.5/5)

the starless sea - erin morgenstern (5/5)

jantar secreto - raphael montes (3.75/5)

mrs. mcginty's dead - agatha christie (4/5)

atenciosamente, seu primeiro amor - tatielle katluryn (3.5/5)

the poverty of theory -edward thompson (2.5/5)

penance - eliza clarke (4/5)

the time machine - h. g. wells (3.75/5)

they do it with mirrors - agatha christie (4/5)

nothing more to tell - karen mcmanus (3.75/5)

persuasion - jane austen (5/5) (rr)

a sound of thunder - ray bradbury (4/5)

the chalk man - c.j. tudor (3.75/5)

after the funeral - agatha christie (3.5/5)

a hundred years of solitude - gabriel garcia marquez (4/5)

ariel - sylvia plath (3.75/5)

i'm the girl - courtney summers (3/5)

a pocket full of rye - agatha christie (4/5)

the piano (creepers series) - edgar j. hyde (3.75/5)

natural beauty - ling ling huang (3.5/5)

northanger abbey - jane austen (5/5) (rr)

uma estrada de histórias - rúbia albuquerque (3/5)

o amor é como a lua - vi carvalho (4/5)

into the drowning deep (rolling in the deep #1) - mira grant (5/5)

destination unknown - agatha christie (4/5)

gentilmente, amor - gabrielli casseta, kell carvalho, vi carvalho, maina mattos (4/5)

whose body? - dorothy l. sayers (3.75/5)

o ardil da flexibilidade - sadi dal rosso (3.5/5)

hickory, dickory, dock - agatha christie (3/5)

joyland - stephen king (4/5)

a detetive ruby johnson e o mistério da mesa 44 - noemi de paula (2.5/5)

the secret history - donna tartt (5/5) (rr)

rolling in the deep (rolling in the deep #0.5) - mira grant (3.75/5)

4:50 from paddington - agatha christie (4.5/5)

a mulher na sociedade de classes: mito e realidade - heleith saffioti (4.25/5)

the woman in cabin 10 - ruth ware (2.75/5)

days at the morisaki bookstore - satoshi yagisawa (4.5/5)

intermezzo - sally rooney (3.5/5)

house of hollow - krystal sutherland (4/5)

crime and punishment - fyodor dostoevsky (4/5)

the pale horse - agatha christie (4.5/5)

the other turn of the screw - henry james (4.5/5)

two sides to every murder - danielle valentine (3.5/5)

história das mulhers no brasil - mary del priori (3.5/5)

the frightened lady - edgar wallace (3/5)

cat among the pigeons - agatha christie (3.75/5)

the da vinci code - dan brown (3/5)

some choose darkness - charlie donlea (4/5)

twelfth night - william shakespeare (3.5/5)

orlando - viriginia woolf (3/5)

the mirror crack'd from side to side - agatha christie (4.5/5)

emily wilde's map of the otherlands (eweof #2) - heather fawcett (4.5/5)

memórias póstumas de brás cubas - machado de assis (4/5)

the clocks - agatha christie (3/5)

entre vestidos de noiva e bolinhos de baunilha - kézia garcia (4/5)

before we forget kindness (btcgc #5) - toshikazu kawaguchi (4.25.5)

meu amor agridoce - aline moretho (5/5)

the only one left - riley seager (3.5/5)

a caribbean mystery - agatha christie (4/5)

the cat who saved books - sōsuke natsukawa (3/5)

the colossus & other poems - sylvia plath (5/5)

good wives (little women #1, part 2) - louisa may alcott (3/5)

babel - r.f. kuang (4/5)

at bertram's hotel - agatha christie (3.5/5)

the lady of shalott - alfred tennyson (5/5)

one left alive - helen phifer (2.25/5)

água viva - clarice lispector (5/5)

the patient - jasper dewitt (4/5)

the answer is no - fredrik backman (5/5)

lovers at the museum - isabel allende (3.75/5)

a espera - lygia fagundes telles (4/5)

[taketwoinink]

I'm constantly in the process of learning new things about myself and yesterday I finally got the words to describe something I'd been realizing for a while. I thought I would share in case this helps anyone else. and also so I don't forget it... mostly so I don't forget it

and this is just my experience, so it may not be the same for everyone else. and if this doesn't happen to you and this isn't helpful, that's just fine

Recently I've been experiencing that whole "you lay down to go to sleep and immediately your brain starts bringing up every mistake, embarrassing, and questionable thing you've ever done". My brain will do this during any quiet moment when I don't have another thought taking precedence, which is just awful btw

My brain also will dig up moments where I didn't do anything wrong, but I maybe didn't do something as good as I could have. I write fanfiction, so most of this manifests as me stressing over the fact that things I have posted have mistakes or pacing issues or just aren't the best writing they could possible be-

And then it goes to all my fandom friends and people I know who read my fanfictions and my brain insists that they're judging me for this. And all my mistakes and awkward moments- it brings those up too and says everyone else involved is judging me and thinking less of me because of those moments.

Then it hit me. Are they judging me for those moments, or am I judging myself?

And I can apply this to other things in my life. I have this ongoing struggle with guilt over something that happened and for a long time I thought I needed to earn forgiveness from someone else so that I could move past this. I ended up realizing that they weren't upset with me, I'm the one that is upset with me. And I'm still working on forgiving myself

So, maybe if you have a moment where you think everyone hates you, stop and ask: do they hate you? or do you hate yourself?

[metalcorebarbie]

i’m listening to all the new music that has been released today and i’m eating SO WELL i’m basically having a feast

[sillywebz]

should i be feelin bad (no)

should i be feelin good (no)

its kinda sssssssaaaaaaaaaaaddddd

im the laughing stock of the neighborhood (no)

[bloggrgirl]

this is not how mental illnesses work but i truly feel that if i look at jensen ackles too much i will develop gender dysphoria

[robo-nya]

I can’t fucking relax rn idk why maybe I feel guilty for calling in but I got coverage. Idk idk idk idk I’m kinda spiralling today. Is it okay that I treated myself to a few new pieces of clothing and more weed? Idk OUR MONEY IS OKAY RN BUT IM JUST WORRIED. IM WORRIED I SHOULDNT SPEND MONEY IDKKKKKKKKK FUCK BUT SPENDING MONEY MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BEYYER FUCICKCKKFKCKCKCKCKCKCKK KCKCKVKVK I really just hate myself and everything

[swag-system]

Ohhhhh the consequences of my actions.....

[prototypeluv]

just split in front of my best friend and she reassured that she doesn’t want me to carry my burden alone!!!

[transmasc-totoro]

>forgot about a double shift

>my coworker also forgot and didn’t write down she wasn’t working in her calander so she came in anyway

>😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 I’m a dumbass and unprofessional but the consequences are minimal thank god

And my boss isn’t making me come in. Su will be glad for the even extra overtime and I’m coming in early in a few weeks to cover for her in exchange so it’ll be okay. But like now what do i do for the hours until I work I can’t go back to sleep. Do I dare…..to use this time….to apply for jobs o.O